I've been doing a lot of thinking and "soul searching" lately. I am reading this book right now called "the virtuous woman". I am finding it quiet interesting.
I've realized that I let my happiness depend way to much on others. And by doing that I am putting to much pressure on those I love around me. Here is an example: I really do try to do what is right with my family. I try to make things from scratch, stretch money, keep up with laundry and household duties, do little things that I think will make them happy. Now, while this is great, the problem is in my mind I think that they should react in a certain way and when they don't I get upset and sometimes then take it out on them. That is what I am going to try and stop. Does an 8 year old really care that his mom has spent all day in the heat of the kitchen making homemade goodies from scratch because we cant afford to go out and buy them at the store, but I still want him to have snacks to eat....NO............should he ...........probably not.
Don't get me wrong,,,,, everyone is happy about getting to eat the snacks,,, I guess in my mind its just not appreciated.....But you know what? That's okay..............I am not doing it to gain his love or approval. I am doing it because I love him.... Same thing goes with everyone else in the household.
I do things because I love my family. I know they love me to.
AS I type I have a homemade strawberry crumb cake cooling on the stove because hubby wanted me to bake something with the strawberries we got at the store, and even though it feels like 100 degrees outside I made him something because I love him! I don't expect anything in return.... just knowing that it is gonna make him happy is good enough for me. And even if he doesn't show his thankfulness, I am going to let it slide, because I didn't do it for him to be happy with me, I did it because I love him!