I am tired. Just plain wore out. I'm not sure why, I get to bed at a decent hour. I feel like I just go go go, all the time. And no one appreciates it. I'm sure they do but they have a funny way of showing it. Especially the ones I babysit for. I am taking care of their precious babies all day long, and I take good care of them. Some babysitters just let the kids exists and watch TV all day long, but not me I interact with them, teach them things, play with them, and the parents act like they could care less. Like its such a burden to pay me., and let me tell you what, I charge way cheaper than most!! After turning my pay into taxes, I'm not even making a profit., but we need the money throughout the year, and I want to stay home with my baby so its still worth it me.
I just get so depressed when I feel like no one notices or cares what I do:( I wish I could be one of those people who didn't' care what others thought, but I'm not. I will never be, I worry that I'm not doing a good enough job with my own family, I worry that little Emma gets sad when I'm taking care of the other kids I babysit for, and she maybe thinks I love them more than her,, I know that sounds silly but these are things that go through my head everyday. I worry that my husband isn't attracted to me anymore because of the weight I gained. Even though he says he still is. I worry that he wants to be out doing other things more than spending time with his family, I let him do things like bowl and golf and hunt and other things he enjoys, but then inside I feel jealous that he gets alone time out and I don't. And I wish I wouldn't feel that way.
I am sorry, this post isn't very encouraging and I'm not trying to complain. I just had to let some things out. I hate that these things go through my head and I want to do better so badly. I feel that I'm always behind, yet I'm constantly going. I just need to not worry I guess and keep going. Lord give me strength!