Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Tired

I am tired. Just plain wore out. I'm not sure why, I get to bed at a decent hour. I feel like I just go go go, all the time. And no one appreciates it. I'm sure they do but they have a funny way of showing it. Especially the ones I babysit for. I am taking care of their precious babies all day long, and I take good care of them. Some babysitters just let the kids exists and watch TV all day long, but not me I interact with them, teach them things, play with them, and the parents act like they could care less. Like its such a burden to pay me., and let me tell you what, I charge way cheaper than most!! After turning my pay into taxes, I'm not even making a profit., but we need the money throughout the year, and I want to stay home with my baby so its still worth it me.


I just get so depressed when I feel like no one notices or cares what I do:( I wish I could be one of those people who didn't' care what others thought, but I'm not. I will never be, I worry that I'm not doing a good enough job with my own family, I worry that little Emma gets sad when I'm taking care of the other kids I babysit for, and she maybe thinks I love them more than her,, I know that sounds silly but these are things that go through my head everyday. I worry that my husband isn't attracted to me anymore because of the weight I gained. Even though he says he still is. I worry that he wants to be out doing other things more than spending time with his family, I let him do things like bowl and golf and hunt and other things he enjoys, but then inside I feel jealous that he gets alone time out and I don't. And I wish I wouldn't feel that way.


I am sorry, this post isn't very encouraging and I'm not trying to complain. I just had to let some things out. I hate that these things go through my head and I want to do better so badly. I feel that I'm always behind, yet I'm constantly going. I just need to not worry I guess and keep going. Lord give me strength!

2 comments:

Aimee Kieffer, aka "Momzoo" said...

I am so sorry **hugs**

Shannon said...

I always put people ahead of myself. Then I worry that I did something wrong.

You know you don't always have to post something that is encouraging. It's ok to rant or be sad some days. It makes you seem all the more human.

I hope you have been feeling better. :)

Hugs!

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