Lately I've been feeling like I have this internal tug of war going on within myself. I've even been debating whether or not to post this in fear of what others might think. But I decided I don't care......
A lot of the way I feel depends on the day,,,even the hour. On one hand I'm striving to be the very best mom /wife I can be. Clean the house, take care of the kids,, set a good example,,yadda yadda yadda....you get the point. On the other hand,,,I really just wanna have some fun. Not to say doing all that isnt fun,, but I wanna go out with friends, be young and fun like the good old days. I have a really hard time trying to balance the two. I'm pretty sure Ben(husband) thinks I'm not all that much fun now adays. Unless we are without the kiddos he thinks I"m boring. When I was younger I had some pretty wild times..fun times...but I feel like I can't/shouldnt do that now. I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like I shouldn't let loose when the kids are around.
Even when we are without the kiddos and having fun that normally consist of it just being the two of us,,which is fine, but sometimes I really miss being out in a group of people, letting loose and having a good time. The problem is our list of friends has seemed to shorten dramatically since we've had kids because we started being more responsible. Now the friends we do have don't really like to go out and have that kind of good time....I guess we need more friends, haha..... But since I rarely ever leave the house I dont see how I'm gonna be finding any.
Then I wonder,,,,,,will the friends we do have think were bad parents for going out, having a few drinks and a good time? I know a few that would. How do you mix being a parent and still being able to feel young every once in a while? And please know,, I'm not saying being a parent is not fun,,,,I'm talking about a different kind of fun here..adult fun. I love being a mom!
These are the things running through my head lately....along with about a million others,,,LOL